thank you...

“Unfortunately, the concept of happiness is such an indeterminate one that even though everyone wishes to attain happiness, yet he can never say definitely and consistently what is that he really wishes and wills. No one can compel me to be happy in accordance with his conception of the welfare of others, for each may seek happiness in whatever way he sees fit” Emmanuel Kant

Today is the last day at my current job. If I take a menu as an analogy, my experience here is akin to ‘sweet and sour’. A combination of sweet and sour produced a mixture of feelings; good and bad, happy and despairs, proud and regrets that add on to the rubric of my life. I have been struggling to write this ‘mini memoir’ for some time. I had to overcome a monolith of restrains (sometime it’s my own) to finish this writing. The difficulty of this ‘mini memoir’ lies in part in the fact that I tries to achieve so much in so little space. I will try (with difficulties) to be concise (and you know it is impossible). Victor Hugo once said “An Invasion of an army can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come”.

I remember my first day at this office. It was on the first day of March 2007. For a billion times, I look at the letter of offer. It says that I was offered a place at the Legal Department and I am supposed to report for duty that day. I went to the HR office and was asked to wait in a room together with other ‘freshies’. We exchanged pleasantry but I guess everybody is deep in their own thought.

I can feel the rush of adrenalin in my body. I tried to talk to the person sitting next to me but I can’t seem to think of any topic. Jokes are dry and we maintained a minimum decorum. Then all the ‘freshies’ are escorted to their respective departments. I was escorted to mine.

The department is still ‘empty’ at that time. I guess it is still early although my watch shows it is 8.45am. Later I found out that the department will only come to ‘life’ around 9am. Some will not start their work before reading the newspaper (no matter at what time they ‘checked in’ the office), as if their lives are depending on yesterday’s event. Some choose to be late or even take an MC (or under the pretext of attending a meeting outside, whatever that is).

Eunice is the first person I saw in the department. She brought me to my cubicle. If I am not mistaken, I only had the opportunity to see the Manager, Seow Si on my second day. Later, I was introduced to Datin Norhayati, Head for Consumer Bank & Litigation, one of the units under the Legal Department. She is a very erudite lady with sharp observation and very quick in pointing up my mistakes. For the next 1 week, I struggled to keep up with Datin’s and Seow Si’s expectations. By the second week, I began to feel at home.

Seow Si and Datin gave me the freedom to complete any task my way. There is no need for constant reporting, unless of course if I screw up (and that can be a handful). In return, I have to be accountable and own up my mistake. That is how you treat a knowledge worker. Mind you, we are not a bunch of school children who need to be told what to do.

Like any other good things in life, it wouldn’t last. Seow Si left the department in 2008. I guess that it is a normal life cycle. A vicious cycle that dark age will succeed the golden era. The same goes in management.

However, I am fortunate and blessed for having the opportunity to meet several great people like….

“Strict but understanding Seow Si”: she will always greet you with a smile. She loves using marriage as an analogy to explain contractual terms. It is a simple logic, but sticks to my mind like UHU.

“Care bears Eunice”; you can always expect her accommodating to your needs…pencils, pens, calculators, foods… and a very good organizer. Never like to beat around the bush, just straight to business.

“Charismatic and stylish Datin”; I never heard she ever raise her voice. Datin has this unique style in sending her message across. She is very creative in answering queries and if she is angry, the creativity will increase ten fold! (believe me, you do not want to be the opposing side when that happen!!!)

“Enigmatic Maznah”; she is very conservative in some issues but very radical in some. Her favorite remark (whenever I made stupid jokes) is.... “you idiot!!!!”

She is a very good listener but do not test her patient.

No nonsense Shikin; do not be surprise that she can dance (err…what happened in Bandung stays in Bandung)

Li T’san; the girl with the ‘exotic’ name. I never see her without that 100 megawatt smiles.

Food station Kak Ana; she will feed you until you cannot take anymore. The foods are ‘bottomless’ limited only to what your stomach can take.

Ever-ready-to-help Julie; ask her any favor and she will do it for you…with a smile!

Melancholic Grace; The name fit the person. I hope that she has the strength to deal with all sorts of idiosyncrasies in the office.

Ever-smiling Caryln: Initially, I found that she quite hard to approach. I am partly to blame. However, once you know her, she can be quite chatty. I really hope that she will figure out how to transfer the photos inside her phone to the computer by now.

Tough-acting Mastura; is a young girl with lot of potential. To stay where she is right now is a waste of her own potential.

Abang Jacket….: I will really miss his jokes at the pantry.

Last but not least, my two ‘big sisters’; Lisa and Shu Shin. They never hesitate to ‘smack’ me back to my senses. I can talk with them on any issues and I can expect an honest feedback. Shu Shin will supply a ‘quote’ on daily basis for us to ponder. However, I turned that into a ‘debate’. There will be a series of emails ‘debating’ the validity of those ‘quotations’. I am amaze on the amount of emails for these sessions. Seriously, where do we find the time for that?

There are others whom I had fond memories but restrictions of time and space is always a stumbling block.

Although from today onwards, I’ll be ire ad largum (at least from this department), I really wish the ‘survivors’ good luck.

The reason I left trample more on the push factors rather than the pull factors. I guess that I’ll remain where I am if Seow Si is still there. Perhaps I can never accept the fact that time had changed. Bosses changed and some people change (like a chameleon), and my self-denial of these changes works against me. My mistake!

My self-denial had turned my presence into an anachronism of the present and the future of the department; an antithesis to the changed circumstances.

My Friends,

“Style is packaging, the only substance is performance”.

When I say ‘performance’, I am not referring to the ‘performing art’ of some drama kings and queens. In working life there will be those who will shed tears, put up a drama, and backstab their friends (even the term friends is a misnomer in this context). Some people succeed and some people don’t. Some who do not succeed, all those bootlicking will not worth a single dime. On the contrary, those who succeed will not build up character.

Cuilibet in sua arte perito est credendum; Credit must be earned and must be based on merit.

There will be servile acolytes which I find very pathetic. I found the servility of some very embarrassing. We should uphold our dignity. There is no need to degrade ourselves.

Let this honest observation to be ephemeral in nature. I was told that my life will be happier if I give my friends a piece of my heart and not piece of my mind. However, the periphery between the heart and the mind is so often blurred, if not because of my own weakness, it is because of the prejudice of the recipient. Sic utere tuo alienum non ledas.

I am passionate about my work and I do not have time for trifle issues. However, I forgot that it is a very subjective concept. I forgot that I do not have to win every argument. I forgot that words can cut deeper than steel. I forgot that I can be misunderstood. The most important lesson; apart from being a colleague, I forgot to be a friend.

Ahh…I feel so cold right now. It is raining at Damansara.